“There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.” -George Burton Adams-

Today I received a troubling phone call from the counselor at my daughters middle school. The topic was a classmate of my daughters and that classmates recent participation in chat rooms that are geared towards older kids. The concern came from the age of the young man this classmate has been video chatting with, and the possibility that some inappropriate behavior has been taking place behind the scenes. He is 16, she is 13.

Apparently this young ladies mother is aware of the chat, but not aware of the inappropriate behavior. My daughter and several other girls went to the counselor to discuss the issue and express their concerns for this classmate, (and friend I assume). At least one of the young ladies witnessed some sexual innuendo between the chatters.

Now, I am not one for lording over my children, and I do not feel the need to watch their every move online. I do periodically check the browser history and my children are required to post their log in names and passwords on a little board I have hanging above the computer. This little tidbit alone works wonders when it pertains to their online behaviors. They know I can easily access their accounts and have a look through, but I seldom do, because they keep it clean knowing they will lose all internet privilege if they do not.

With all of this said, I believe we could curb the inappropriate sexual pursuits in our children if we were more willing to include them in conversations about sex and sexuality. Why are we so afraid to teach our children about sex? It seems absurd to me that we trust others to teach them about sex more than ourselves. It is my firm belief that we should have these conversations with our kids long before any educator does. I have never skirted the issue when I am questioned about it. I discuss what I feel is the appropriate level of understanding for their age, and always let them know that as they mature I will be willing to discuss more details. Clearly, I am far more concerned with them being afraid to talk to me about sexuality than I am about their online behavior.

In summary, if we do not talk to them, include them, they will go get their education on their own. It may be in classrooms, but all to often it's in chat rooms and bedrooms with other children. Is this what we want? I certainly do not.

Best to all,

Jeremy

"The more children learn about sexuality from talking with their parents and teachers and reading accurate books, the less they feel compelled to find out for themselves."